The GR8 Escape

you know it.

We rejoin our heroes as Glim Skyfaller, the sole conscious adventurer, panics in a room until he is EMP-d hardcore by some mysterious Tieflings dressed in red and carrying bows. Everything goes dark.

Tevash awakens to a sweaty touch from Ishmael’s perineum. After a brief freakout, our heroes find themselves trapped in an iron cell along with Wilbur James Morgoroth. Glancing about the room, a significantly stronger steel cell holds Glim Skyfaller, and the area is guarded by two fierce looking dogs and a massive, two-headed ogre. After a failed attempt to pee on the dogs by Ishmael, Wilbur James Morgoroth throws them a bone, keeping them occupied for the rest of the encounter. Following some digging and examination of the skeleton that also resides in the cell, a crude map of the area is discovered (written by the now-deceased Harold). Glim Skyfaller is awoken by some bone-banging, and a set of lockpicks hidden with the note is utilized to free both themselves and Glim (thanks to Tevash’s excellent stealth and lockpicking skills).

Finding themselves without any of their equipment, and armed only with crude weapons and raging masculinity, Tevash strikes the first blow against the ogre with some crazy fiery liquid that springs from his fingers. Enraged and engaged, the ogre is then bloodied through the combined efforts of Glim Skyfaller, Ishmael, and Wilbur James Morgoroth. From a relatively safe point, Ishmael, Wilbur, and Tevash critically intimidate the mindless beast. As it was unable to provide any intelligence, Ishmael walks up to the cowed beast as if acting friendly; at the last minute, he reaches into one of the beast’s throats and rips out a still-spurting jugular vein. As Ishmael tosses the vein to the dogs, the ogre falls to the ground in a puddle of its own blood and the tattered remains of its dignity.

Two Skeletor guards later, the party has recovered their belongings and proceeds upstairs from the basement dungeon. Coming eventually into a great hall where the remains of a bloody banquet still lie upon the feasting tables, Ishmael approaches the head table. A massive skeleton, bearing a staff topped with a likeness of Orcus, appears only to reanimate all twenty corpses and then disappear. Vanquishing the zombies with the help of Wilbur James Morgoroth’s Turn Undead, and fucking ridiculously sweet Dragon Breath, the party ventures into a nearby kitchen, finding only a bottle of delicious preserved hearts (which are promptly eaten by Wilbur and Ishmael, who found them delicious). Divine suggestion indicates that the hearts were in fact werewolf hearts, and the rest of the party berates Wilbur and Ishmael for their brave hunger.

Proceeding onwards through a door, our heroes come upon an old riddle of two doors, one of which tells the truth and one of which is fucked up. Through twisted logic, the party decides to proceed through the left door. They find themselves in a large room containing an ornately carved chest and four statues. After Tevash fails to pick the lock twice, arrows spring from the walls, injuring Glim Skyfaller and Wilbur James Morgoroth. The chest spring open and, carrying the four colored statues, the adventurers descend into a room (led, as usual, by Ishmael). In the room below, both Wilbur and Tevash are seriously injured by traps; Tevash ends up with a shattered ankle (which Ishmael heals decently). After placing the statues upon their color-coded pedestals, a door opens to the north and the group moves down a hallway and up a trapdoor. In the room lay three chests: one of which contains an acidic Bastard Sword and Agile Plate Mail, one of which contains an Inspiring Mace and a black-bladed Deathstalker Short Sword, and one of which contains low-light vision goggles, a holy emblem, and 1500 gold pieces. Satisfied with their loot, the party moves through the door and into an obvious sleeping room, which can be secured from the inside. A closet pathway leads to the prone bodies of vorgryn and Lia. Awakening, the two are freed and all return to the secure room for a well-earned rest.


This publication always has a strong liberal bias. And by liberal bias I mean anti-robot bias.

The GR8 Escape

If by anti-robot you mean pro-Ishmael, then yes.

The GR8 Escape

fuck bitches.

The GR8 Escape

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